Cannoli FAIL

Last Friday, Paul's sister, Karen, and a friend of hers came over for pasta fazool and cannoli. Karen and I started the pasta fazool on Wednesday; I'll post a write-up of that when I'm at home with the recipe in front of me -- executive summary: it was absolutely fantastic. The same can't quite be said for the cannoli, though. The abject failure of this culinary endeavor was not our fault, though. We used the recipe from Mario Batali's ordinarily very reliable Molto Italiano, and it was just bonkers. We probably should have foreseen that it wouldn't work well and made adjustments to the recipe on the front end, but we didn't. The recipe for the shells was salvageable--though flatly incorrect as written in the cookbook--but the filling recipe is beyond hope. The recipe and my comments follow:

Shells:

2 cups all-purpose flour*

1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon sugar

1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder

2 3-3.5 tablespoons butter, unsalted*

6 8 tablespoons Marsala*
*Note the outrageous original dry-to-wet ingredient ratio. This was the first clue that this recipe is BANANAS.

Filling:

• 1 pound sheep's milk ricotta (may substitute cow's milk -- we did)
• 1/2 cup superfine sugar
• 1/3 cup lemon juice [Did your eyes just bug out? They should have. That's a LOT of lemon juice.]
• 1 tablespoon vanilla
• 4 tablespoons grated orange zest [Bug-eyes again? Yup.] We subbed a little orange extract. Still WAY too much orange, especially when combined with the lemon juice.
• 1/4 cup tiny chocolate chips
• 1 egg white, lightly beaten for sealing the shells, not for the filling. Silly recipe.
• 2 quarts canola oil, for frying (This sounded like a lot, but it was really necessary, given the size of the pot in which we were frying.)
• some cocoa powder, for trying to cut the overwhelming citrus taste
• lots of powdered sugar, for cutting the citrus and attempting to thicken the juice filling
• Two packets of unflavored gelatine. Really. And it still didn't actually get thick.

To make shells: Mix together the dry ingredients and cut in butter with 2 knives. Add the Marsala and try to shape the dough into a ball. Realize that the dough will never become a ball if it stays this dry/crumbly. Put it in your stand mixer and see if the dough hook can make it come together. It can't. Add two more tablespoons of Marsala and another tablespoon to tablespoon and a half of butter. Knead the dough by hand until it begins actually to resemble dough. Wrap tightly in plastic wrap and refrigerate.

Heat 2 quarts canola oil in 3 1/2-quart pot to 375 degrees F.

To make the filling: In a mixing bowl, stir together the ricotta [that you should have drained, but you didn't, because you were following the recipe and didn't think about it, so now you have an even worse drippy, soupy mess], sugar, lemon juice, vanilla, orange zest, and chocolate chips and additional items to try to fix the ridiculous, citrusy soup that is your filling mixture. Mix until well combined. Spoon the filling into a pastry bag with an open tip, and place the bag in the refrigerator freezer.

Remove the dough from the refrigerator and divide into 4 equal pieces. Using a rolling pin, roll 1 piece onto flat surface until it measures 1/16-inch thick. Using a cookie cutter or a sharp knife or the top of a glass, cut the dough into 4-inch circles. Using a rolling pin, elongate the circles into ovals.

Wrap the ovals lengthwise around the metal cannoli tubes. Using your fingertips, seal the edges shut with egg whites. Don't forget this step, or you'll end up with a puffy, mutant shell that is tasty but cannot be filled. Not that we know that from experience, or anything. Use your fingers to flare the ends open.

Working in small batches, carefully lift the cannoli shells and place them in the hot oil. Fry the shells until golden brown on both sides, about 2 to 3 minutes. Using a slotted spoon or spatula, remove the finished shells to a plate lined with paper towels. Drain on paper towels as they cook. Allow to cool.

When the shells are cool enough to touch, carefully twist the molds away from shells. Shells may be made 1 day in advance and rest unfilled and uncovered. When ready to eat, take frozen filling mixture out of the freezer and allow to thaw enough to pipe but not enough to make it run all over the place (which it will still do if you let it thaw too much), and stuff cannoli with ricotta cream.
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This recipe was a lot of fun to make, just because I enjoyed having company in the kitchen and because of the sheer ridiculousness of it all, but it Did. Not. Work. It was still soupy, despite all our efforts, and it was still overwhelmingly citrusy. The shells were great, though, once we fixed the flour:liquid issue.